Self Esteem - The Essential Ingredient for the Artist, the Teacher & the Learner

I have struggled with low self esteem for most of my life, I'm convinced that most other people in the culture suffer the same and - like me - are so accustomed to negative self concept and feelings of worthlessness, both in themselves and reflected in the attitude of others, that it seems perfectly normal.

In spite of a strong desire to create, to playfully engage with life in a way that uplifts and enhances my own experience - and that of others - I have all too often hesitated, fudged and 'failed' at what I set out to do. I'm a musician - specifically a songwriter - and a teacher. I have a degree of talent that I'm satisfied with in both areas and that has a certain amount of mileage in terms of achieving the values I want for myself, but in spite of this there's always a point at which I get in my own way, a point at which I burst my own bubble. This habit and the assumptions that lead to it's formation has proven costly, it has lead to problems in my mental and emotional health; my relationships have suffered; I've been under employed; depressed; isolated and generally miserable for a significant chunk of my adult life. 

For the last few years I have been motivated to ferret out the root-causes of this state of being and this is what I have learned: self esteem is not a vague mystical quality that you either possess, or do not, neither is it an uncritically positive self-regard that is upheld whether or not your actions are in keeping with your values. Self esteem is a set of principles, and action in accord with those principles both builds and maintains self esteem as well as demonstrating it to others. Psychologist Nathaniel Branden most clearly defines these principles in his book The Six Pillars Of Self Esteem. I have been attempting to apply these principles in my own life, sorting through my beliefs, memories of formative experience, life goals, expectations, scrutinising my habits and the more I do so, the more consistently predictable are the results; all the areas in my life that were negatively impacted by low self esteem are changing, I'm becoming happier, I'm nicer to be around, I'm more confident of my potential, I'm excited about life in a way I haven't been since early childhood.

Part of the reason I have created this blog (and eventually website) is to share the creativity that I have unlocked through this journey of self discovery, I'm organising and curating my earlier works and embarking on music projects that I'm really excited about. 

I'm also planning to share what I've learned in a teaching context and I'm designing a course for artist practitioners that wish to teach, emphasising the essential nature of self esteem as foundational to one's own career as an artist, a teacher and as the ultimate goal for teaching itself: leading the learner to discover, nurture and strengthen their own self esteem. I believe that self esteem is our natural disposition, a confidence that we are apt for the purpose of living and a delight in our extraordinary capacities to think and feel deeply, to act in ways in harmony with values that we can arrive at through observation and reflection of natural laws. 

If self esteem is our natural disposition, as I put it, how is it that low self esteem is epidemic? Where does our low self esteem come from? To put it plainly, I think we are miseducated. Conventional education practices, parenting styles and cultural assumptions thwart the development of self esteem and crush healthy expressions of it. I'm committed to doing whatever I can to change the current paradigm, by being an example of what it looks like to heal emotional/psychological wounds that cause low self esteem and assisting others by sharing ways to develop self esteem through teaching. I'm convinced that in order to have the free, fair and peaceful society that we all want, self esteem is perhaps the most important frontier upon which to focus our efforts.

Bellow is a short video introduction I made for a presentation I am doing in association with Recast Music education, it takes place on Friday 18th December at Create Norwich.

Emancipation & Music

Welcome to my new blog, I appreciate you taking the time to visit.

I've been an artist for as long as I can remember, specifically a songwriter, though I do other things too. My career so far has been a series of fits and starts, I gather myself to move forward, then I hesitate; it feels like I constantly step up on to the first rung of a ladder only to loose focus, stepping down and retreating from my dreams with an increasing sense of dismay.

Being an artist and defining what that means for oneself is a powerful calling. I have an irrepressible drive to create, to extend myself and share the vividness of my experience with the world but I also have this habit of thwarting my own progress, why do I do this?

I've spent a considerable amount of time figuring this out and I think I'm getting finally getting somewhere: The ladder has been up against the wrong wall all along...

Thankfully, in spite of not being able to achieve the values I set out for myself - or rather, the ad hoc, random, ill conceived values inherited and forced upon me from the culture - I have learned an awful lot, I've have written some half decent songs and had a few thoughts that I think are worth sharing.

In one way or another, this is a blog about increasing one's freedom to create, as seen through the lens of my own experience and with my songs providing the soundtrack.

Emancipation and music.